SO I woke up this morning with my head swirling (again). I haven’t been sleeping much lately. You know that time leading up to when your period is due .. . it’s always an interesting part of the monthly cycle isn’t it. It seems that the emotions we think we have dealt with from the rest of the month, all rise to the surface to be processed just before our period. Is this just me or do you find that too? These emotions can include anger, frustration, confusion, disappointment etc etc. Can someone please tell our bodies that night time is for sleeping and we’d rather these thoughts and emotions come to us during our waking hours?!!
I tend to drift off to sleep perfectly fine as I have a great little bedtime routine happening now. I get my youngest two into bed, after much drama relating to who showered first last night and who hasn’t picked up their clothes/dried the bathroom floor. By the time, they’ve sung in the bathroom mirror with their toothbrush as their microphone and chased each other around the house, I’m usually exhausted. I tuck them into bed, kiss them and say goodnight while appreciating how beautiful they are and how blessed I am to have them. Then, I visit my eldest girls’ bedrooms and see how they are and say goodnight to them.
I change into my jarmies, brush my teeth, clean my face and do afew stretches & some deep breathing. Then I climb into bed and let out a huge sigh. I browse Pinterest for some new quotes, say some affirmations and listen to alittle music. After that, I put my earplugs in and enjoy a meditation on love and abundance or something similar. Before I know it, blissful sleep finds me.
But, lo and behold at some odd hour in the middle of the night, I’m wide awake, laying there with my eyes wide open. Sometimes I get up and make a cup of chamomile and that usually works, if I’m not pre-menstrual. But on these horrid nights just before my period, my body just won’t shut down.
There’s been a fair bit going on in our family lately and that’s certainly playing havoc on my mind. My sister has bipolar and is manic for the first time in 11 years. She’s been in hospital for a good few weeks now and has pushed us (her family – Mum, my sister and I) away. Because her mind is muddled at the moment, it’s telling her that we don’t care, that because we haven’t been to visit, we are selfish and can’t be bothered visiting. Never mind the fact that I have four children I’m solely responsible for, each with issues of their own, or that the cooking, cleaning and running around after them is rather a huge job and in order to do it well, I must prioritise my health.
Anyway, sometimes when I wake, I’m thinking of her and all I can do is send her love and say a prayer for her. I really hope she gets better very soon. I miss her and feel so much for her.
That’s just one thing from our family and there’s abit of other stuff but I don’t want to bore you with that.
About five weeks ago I thought I’d put my back out. I was in so much pain. The following day a rash appeared on my right butt cheek and then the constant aching began, along with stabbing pains and also stinging, as if I’d been burned. I went to the doctor and it turned out that I had shingles. Ouch! The pain really was indescribable and it’s been many years since I’ve felt such sensations.
Luckily I got to the doc within 72 hours so was able to start anti-virals straight away to try and kick that dirty virus out of my body. I also began taking painkillers – all of this totally against who I am, having weaned myself off antidepressants after 11 and a half years, and only taking supplements and eating healthily every day.
I didn’t have a choice though as I needed a break from the pain. Like all situations in life, there’s something positive to come from it so I found myself searching for whatever positive stuff I could find and believe it or not I did find some.
I realised that my body was talking to me as there were messages it had been trying to send me that I had not been ready to receive.
Despite my constant vigilance with my health and wellbeing, daily exercise and meditation, eating well etc, there had been little relaxation in my life for some time and I was so determined to make my business work and earn money from some other work that I had been investing loads of energy into, that I was actually becoming unwell without realising it.
I prided myself on the fact that I was capable of ‘doing’ so much more in a day than most people could dream of doing, whilst keeping myself so well (or so I thought).
The investment of my energy was not returning the money I expected it would/should and still I persevered.
Having shingles ‘made’ me slow down. Yes I still have four children to look after and a business to run/work on and myself to keep well but I can do it in a different way, that nurtures my true self at the same time.
Afew days before getting shingles, I had been attuned to reiki… something I had thought of doing for a long time. Finally, I was ready for it. Seemingly magically, a client kindy donated a brand new massage table to me. Her and her husband had had it sitting in their shed! Perfect.
It was only when I was finally beginning to have less pain from shingles that I read in my reiki handbook that there is usually a 21 day cleansing period after being attuned! OMG, that was it! It was clear to me now. That quiet voice that had been nudging me to do reiki, that quiet voice that had been urging me to stop the work I was doing that wasn’t bringing the cash I thought it would. All of it made sense.
There was a bigger reason for me developing shingles … my body was cleansing itself/me in order to be a clearer channel for the reiki energy.
Whilst this is clear to me now and the reiki energy is certainly stronger already (feeling like heart-beats in my hands), I can tell you it’s not fun.
When you’ve been on medication for so long, that has suppressed a lot of your emotions and memories and it’s been a year and you’ve already learned to ‘process’ a lot, the process of reiki attunement and cleansing is pretty full-on. Well, it has been for me anyhow.
So, I enjoy the quiet as my weight loss clients have dropped right down, for now. Once again, I am being ‘urged’ to do something so here I am writing to you.
When I sat down at my laptop to start writing, I had no idea what I would write, nor what my title would be but I knew there were words to come and that I had to listen to that quiet voice once again.
I’m sure there will be many more words and this is just the very start. I hope you enjoy my blabbering and look forward to writing many more posts, whatever they will be. Have a wonderful day on this beautiful earth. Xoxo Mel